If Jem dies, I cannot be with Tessa, said Will. Because it will be as if I were waiting for him to die, or took some joy in his death, if it let me have her. And I will not be that person. I will not profit from his death. So he must live. He lowered his arm, his sleeve bloody. It is the only way any of this can ever mean anything. Otherwise it is only — Pointless, needless suffering and pain? I don’t suppose it would help if I told you that was the way life is. The good suffer, the evil flourish, and all that is mortal passes away, Magnus said. I want more than that, said Will. You made me want more than that. You showed me I was only ever cursed because I had chosen to believe myself so. You told me there was possibility, meaning. And now you would turn your back on what you created.
They say you cannot love two people equally at once, she said. And perhaps for others that is so. But you and Will—you are not like two ordinary people, two people who might have been jealous of each other, or who would have imagined my love for one of them diminished by my love of the other. You merged your souls when you were both children. I could not have loved Will so much if I had not loved you as well. And I could not love you as I do if I had not loved Will as I did.
You see it, don't you, James? Without Tessa there is nothing for me--no joy, no light, no life. If you loved me, you would let me have her. You can't love her as I do. No one could. If you are truly my brother, you would do this for me.
I love you so much, so incredibly much," he went on, "and I forget when you're close to me, I forget who you are. I forget that you're Jem's. I'd have to be the worst sort of person to think what I'm thinking right now. But I am thinking it.
I'm trying to figure out how someone could live in a brothel for a month and not notice. You must be terribly dull-witted." Tessa glared. "If it helps at all, it seemed to be quite a high-class establishment. Nicely furnished, fairly clean..." "Sounds as if you've visited your fair share of brothels," Tessa said, sourly. "Making a study of them?" "More of a hobby," said Will, and smiled like a bad angel.
As the carriage whipped forward, they passed the alley she had spent so many days staring at—it was there, and then gone as they careened around a corner, nearly knocking over a costermonger pushing a donkey cart piled high with new potatoes. Tessa screamed. Will reached past her and yanked the curtain shut. "It's better if you don't look," he told her pleasantly. "He's going to kill someone. Or get us killed." "No, he won't. Thomas is an excellent driver." Tessa glared at him. "Clearly the word excellent means something else on this side of the Atlantic.
It is the mundanes who look at me and see something they do not understand—a boy who is not quite white and not quite foreign either." "Just as I am not human, and not demon either," Tessa said softly. His eyes softened. "You are human," he said. "Never think you are not. I have seen you with your brother; I know how you care for him. If you can feel hope, guilt, sorrow, love—then you are human.
But what of you? Gabriel said, and they were very close now, almost touching. It is your choice to make now, to stay or return. I will stay, Cecily said. I choose the war. Gabriel let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. You will give up your home? A drafty old house in Yorkshire? Cecily said. This is London. And give up what is familiar? Familiar is dull. And give up seeing your parents? It is against the Law … She smiled, the glimmer of a smile. Everyone breaks the Law. Cecy, he said, and closed the distance between them, though it was not much, and then he was kissing her—his hands awkward around her shoulders at first, slipping on the stiff taffeta of her gown before his fingers slid behind her head, tangling in her soft, warm hair. She stiffened in surprise before softening against him, the seam of her lips parting as he tasted the sweetness of her mouth. When she drew away at last, he felt light-headed. Cecy? he said again, his voice hoarse. Five, she said. Her lips and cheeks were flushed, but her gaze was steady. Five? he echoed blankly. 907/1090 My rating, she said, and smiled at him. Your skill and technique may, perhaps, require work, but the native talent is certainly there. What you require is practice. And you are willing to be my tutor? I should be very insulted if you chose another, she said, and leaned up to kiss him again.
Well, I don't want you to die," Tessa said. "I don't know why I feel it so strongly -- I've just met you -- but I don't want you to die." "And I trust you," he said. "I don't know why -- I've just met you -- but I do.
Demon pox," said Sophie. "Mr. Lightwood's got it, has had for years, and it'll kill him in a right couple of months if he doesn't get the cure. And Mortmain said he can get it for him." The room exploded in a hubbub. Charlotte raced over to Sophie; Henry called after her; Will leaped from his chair and was dancing in a circle.
Love potions? For Will 'erondale? 'Tain't my way to turn down payment, but any man who looks like you 'as got no need of love potions, and that's a fact." "No," Will said, a little desperation in his voice. "I was looking for the opposite, really -- something that might put an end to being in love." "An 'atred potion?" Mol still sounded amused. "I was hoping for something more akin to indifference? Tolerance?" She made a snorting noise, astonishingly human for a ghost. "I 'ardly like to tell you this, Nephilim, but if you want a girl to 'ate you, there's easy enough ways of making it 'appen. You don't need my help with the poor thing." And with that she vanished, spinning away into the mists among the graves. Will, looking after her, sighed. "Not for her," he said under his breath, though there was no one to hear him, "for me..." And he leaned his head against the cold iron gate.
Oh, I can never get enough," he said. "Which, incidentally, is what your sister said to me when-" The carriage door flew open. A hand shot out, grabbed Will by the back of the shirt, and hauled him inside.
If love is great, then it is worth fighting for. What if it is immoral somehow? Forbidden? Forbidden? But my father’s love for my mother was forbidden, or at least against the law. Or do mean if she is married, or a vampire? Or a married vampire. Well, nevertheless, Will said, with a grin. One should fight on. Love conquers all. Will and Jem
Will looked at him curiously. Do you think you will see me again? At the change in Jem’s expression, he added, I mean, is there a chance for me? To have another life after this, a better one? As Jem opened his mouth to answer, a rustling came from beneath their feet. Just as they both looked down, a tentacle shot from the surface of the river, wrapped itself around Jem’s ankle, and yanked him beneath the surface of the water. Will bolted to his feet with his blade in hand; the water was still boiling where the creature’s tentacles were thrashing wildly, indicating that Jem was getting some good blows in. Will’s heart pounded, firing blood and the call of battle through his veins. Hell, he said. Just when it was getting interesting, too, and he leaped into the water after his friend.
For I wondered that others, subject to death, did live, since he whom I loved, as if he should never die, was dead; and I wondered yet more that myself, who was to him a second self, could live, he being dead. Well said one of his friend, "Thou half of my soul"; for I felt that my soul and his soul were "one soul in two bodies": and therefore was my life a horror to me, because I would not live halved. And therefore perchance I feared to die, lest he whom I had much loved should die wholly.