Sarcasm humor Quotes

Ok, let me just write that down for you since you seem to think I'm you personal assistant," Sally responded, her tone clipped.
"You ever noticed how assistant starts with ass? Do you think that's a coincidence?" Jen shrugged her shoulders as she raised her eyebrows at Sally.

Well, because you mysteriously came all this way and obviously are not the man I thought you were, why the heck not. So, Phet, if that’s even your real name, tell
me, how do I defeat Lokesh?
It’s simple. Do to him what I did to you.
What? Talk to him in broken English?

How touching. I think I'm gonna throw up.

How does knowing
'things could be worse'
than what I already deem awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy!

Come on," Alec said, already stomping down the ramp. "Let's find us a squirrel." He swept the weapon back and forth as he walked, looking for any interlopers. "Or better yet, one of the crazies who might've strayed over here. Too bad these things have to be charged or we could get rid of this virus problem in a jiffy. Sweep these old neighborhoods nice and clean."
Mark joined him on the ground below the Berg, wary that someone might be watching from the ruined homes surrounding them or from the burnt woods beyond those. "Your value of human life brings tears to my eyes," he muttered.

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head.

I’m sure I have no idea what you are talking about PRINCESS. He tilted his head and half curtseyed when he said the last word.
That! That is what I am talking about. Since we ran into the others you have been cold and more arrogant than usual. She kept her voice low so the others would not hear.
Is that so? I would say I was averagely arrogant

Give a hippie too much money and anything can happen.

He's a gem, sir. I wish I had one just like him." He rattled the ring of keys on Artemis's belt. "And what are these?" Artemis scratched his head. "Uh, keys?

That didn't last long, of course. "Oh Bartimaeus, could you just irrigate the Fertile Cresent?""Could you just divert the Euphrates HERE and HERE?""Look, while you're at it, do you mind just planting a few million wheat seeds up and down the flood plain? Thanks." Didn't even give me a dibble. By the time I got to Ur I wasn't surging with any of that terrible joy, oh no. My back was KILLING me.

No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is...beastly.

And just how did you arrive at that remarkable conclusion, Mr. Mayor?"
"In a rather simple way. It merely required the use of that much-neglected commodity -- common sense. You see, there is a branch of human knowledge known as symbolic logic, which can be used to prune away all sorts of clogging deadwood that clutters up human language."
"What about it?" said Fulham.
"I applied it. Among other things, I applied it to this document here. I didn't really need to for myself because I knew what it was all about, but I think I can explain it more easily to five physical scientists by symbols rather than by words."
Hardin removed a few sheets of paper from the pad under his arm and spread them out. "I didn't do this myself, by the way," he said. "Muller Holk of the Division of Logic has his name signed to the analyses, as you can see."
Pirenne leaned over the table to get a better view and Hardin continued: "The message from Anacreon was a simple problem, naturally, for the men who wrote it were men of action rather than men of words. It boils down easily and straightforwardly to the unqualified statement, when in symbols is what you see, and which in words, roughly translated is, 'You give us what we want in a week, or we take it by force.'"
There was silence as the five members of the Board ran down the line of symbols, and then Pirenne sat down and coughed uneasily.
Hardin said, "No loophole, is there, Dr. Pirenne?"
"Doesn't seem to be.

If you 're serious about getting it on again, be sure to give me some advance notice, so I can grab my appointment calendar and block out three minutes.

Do you really think that God in his heaven with all the angels, there from the beginning of time and looking towards the day of judgement day, really looks down on all the world and see's you and little harry and says 'whatever you choose to do is my will?'
"Yes i do." she says uncertainly.

I speak two languages: English and Sarcasm.

Nicholas is gay, isn't he," she says, her voice dripping with dejection.
I shrug, again remembering his proposition from last night. "Not necessarily. The jury's still out. There's hope for a Christmas wedding yet," I tell her.

I almost short her once or twice, but the excitement ends there.

He had three
incision sites: one where the microscopic camera had gone in and
two where they’d done the actual work, and the abuse he’d taken
today went straight to her heart. Oh, Pace.
I’m guessing that wasn’t an ‘Oh, Pace, you’re so sexy, take me.’

Your quick ‘no’ is because I refused to say ‘yes’ to sex. They say men think with their dicks. I hope you do not run Easton with your—

Reality Sucks, I want my dreams back.

Why a woman turns fifty and certain people to whom she gave birth start thinking she should be wearing orthopedic shoes is completely beyond me.

You have been a poor observer of life if you have not also seen the hand
that, ever so gently – kills.

Civilization is held together by duct tape and spit, and I'm worried about the duct tape.

One never knows when one might have to defend against..." Bounty hunters? Soldiers? Enforcers? "Opossums.

He shook off the thoughts—that wasn’t anything he needed to worry about tonight. Any second
now, he was going to hear the chime of a new text message, the chime that signaled the demise of rich,
slick Maybe-next-time-we-can-meet-for-more-than-two-minutes-which-also-happens-to-be-how-long-
I-last-during-sex Tyler Roland, Attorney-at-Law.
Vaughn picked up his phone to check that it had a signal.
Yep, any second now.

Sono così intelligente che a volte non capisco una sola parola di quel che sto dicendo.

He sure told you off, huh, Icy?" ~Darcy

... the house is on fire, but go ahead - finish painting the verandah...

Are you sure that's Val?"
"No," said Freddie. "It's Lassie in a wolf suit.

This has to be one of the strangest standoffs in history. 'No, please, you air your grievances first.' 'No, no, I couldn’t possibly.

Love is a fairytale blah, blah, blah.

It is time to buddle (scrub in water) all that is not illutile (unwash-awayable). Baudelaire said that humans were deluded if they thought they could wash away all their spots with vile tears, but Baudelaire was French and therefore knew nothing about hygiene or shower gel.

Double Sword Tavern. Tristan said, reading out loud. Sounds charming and inviting.

Arch turned and looked at Ian. The other man was fiddling with the neckline of his shirt. You're just jealous, Ian, and wishing you had a soul mate of your own. In fact, I don't think any woman will be safe until you get one. Ian shot him an unamused look at his words.

Without question, his picture did not do him justice, but again, he was dead when it was taken

The last time when world made sense to me was , it will end by December 2012, And now nobody gives a fuck .

I saw ugly from a distant, she was looking beautiful.