I know about parabatai, said Magnus, an angry, dark undercurrent to his voice. I’ve known parabatai so close they were almost the same person; do you know what happens, when one of them dies, to the one that’s left —?
I have heard sometimes that men who lose an arm of a leg still feel that pain in those limbs, though they are gone,' said Will. 'It is like that sometimes. I can feel Jem with me, though he is gone, and it is like I am missing a part of myself.
Value your parabatai," he said. "For it is a precious bond. All love is precious. It is why we do what we do. Why do we fight demons? Why are they not fit custodians of this world? What makes us better? It is because they do not build, but destroy. They do not love, but hate only. We are human and fallible, we Shadowhunters. But if we did not have the capability to love, we could not guard humans; we must love to guard them. My parabatai, he loved like few ever could love, with all and everything. I see you are like that too; it burns more brightly in you than the fire of Heaven
I love you so much, so incredibly much," he went on, "and I forget when you're close to me, I forget who you are. I forget that you're Jem's. I'd have to be the worst sort of person to think what I'm thinking right now. But I am thinking it.
It’s me, he said, and cleared his throat. I could understand if you didn’t believe me, but I swear on the Angel, Iz, it’s me. Alec said nothing, but his grip on Jace’s hand tightened. You don’t need to swear, he said, and with his free hand touched the parabatai rune near his collarbone. I know. I can feel it. I don’t feel like I’m missing a part of me anymore. I felt it too. Jace took a ragged breath. Something missing. I felt it, even with Sebastian, but I didn’t know what it was I was missing. But it was you. My parabatai.
Emma’s gaze went from Alec to Jace, curious. “Do you worry about him?” she asked Alec, surprising a laugh out of him. “All the time,” he said. “Jace could get himself killed putting his pants on in the morning. Being his parabatai is a full-time job.
I should have known what you would do, Jem said in a low voice. I always know what you will do. I should have known you would put your hands into the fire. And I should have known you would throw that packet away, said Will, without rancor. It was—it was a madly noble thing to do. I understand why you did it. I was thinking of Tessa. Jem drew his knees up and rested his chin on them, then laughed softly. Madly noble. Isn’t that meant to be your area of expertise? Suddenly I am the one who does ridiculous things and you tell me to stop? God, said Will. When did we change places? The firelight played over Jem’s face and hair as he shook his head. It is a very strange thing, to be in love, he said. It changes you. Will looked down at Jem, and what he felt, more than jealousy, more than anything else, was a wistful desire to commiserate with his best friend, to speak of the feelings he held in his heart. For were they not the same feelings? Did they not love the same way, the same person? But, I wish you wouldn’t risk yourself, was all he said. Jem stood up. I have always wished that about you. Will raised his eyes, so drowsy with sleep and the tiredness that came with healing runes that he could see Jem only as a haloed figure of light. Are you going? Yes, to sleep. Jem touched his fingers lightly to Will’s healing hands. Let yourself rest, Will.
We could—” he started, then stopped, swallowed, and started again. “We could become parabatai.” He said it shyly, half-turning his face away from her, so that the shadows partially hid his expression. “Then they couldn’t separate us,” he added. “Not ever.” Emma felt her heart turn over. “Jules, being parabatai is a big deal,” she said. “It’s—it’s forever.” He looked at her, his face open and guileless. There was no trickery in Jules, no darkness. “Aren’t we forever?” he asked.
And you won’t leave me? No. Alec said. No, we won’t ever leave you. You know that. Never. Isabelle took his hand, the one Alec wasn’t holding, and pressed it fiercely. Lightwoods, all together. She whispered. Jace's hand was suddenly damp where she was holding it, and he realized she was crying, her tears splashing down crying for him, because she loved him; even after everything that had happened, she still loved him. They both did. He fell asleep like that, with Isabelle on one side of him and Alec on the other, as the sun came up with the dawn.
Will closed his eyes. He could not hear Jem go, not anymore; he did not want to know the moment when he left and Will was alone, did now want to know when his first day as a Shawdowhunter without a parabatai truly began. And if the place over his heart, where his parabatai rune had been, flared up with a sudden burning pain as the door closed behind Jem, Will told himself it was only a stray ember from the fire.
I thought you needed me," Jem said. "There is a wall you have built about yourself, Will, and I have never asked you why. But no one should shoulder every burden alone. I thought you would let me inside if I became your parabatai, and then you would have at least someone to lean upon. I did wonder what my death would mean for you. I used to fear it, for your sake. I feared you would be left alone inside that wall. But now ... something has changed. I do not know why. But I know that it is true." "That what is true?" Will's fingers were still digging into Jem's wrist. "That the wall is coming down.
Magnus rolled onto his back and put his feet up on the arm of the sofa. What do you care if Alec’s miserable? What do I care? Jace said, so loudly that Chairman Meow rolled off the couch and landed on the floor. Of course I care about Alec; he’s my best friend, my parabatai. And he’s unhappy. And so are you, by the look of things. Takeout containers everywhere, you haven’t done anything to fix up the place, your cat looks dead— He’s not dead.
Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee - for whither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried. The Angel do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me.
And yet here he was, looking at Jem Carstairs, a boy so fragile-looking that he appeared to be made out of glass, with the hardness of his expression slowly dissolving into tentative uncertainty. "You are not really dying," he said, the oddest tone to his voice, "are you?" Jem nodded. "So they tell me." "I am sorry," Will said. "No", Jem said softly. He drew his jacket aside and took a knife from the belt at his waist. "Don't be ordinary like that. Don't say you're sorry. Say you'll train with me." He held the knife to Will, hilt first. Charlotte held her breath, afraid to move. She felt as if she were watching something very important happen, though she could not have said what. Will reached out and took the knife, his eyes never leaving Jem's face. His fingers brushed the other boy's as he took the weapon from him. It was the first time, Charlotte thought that she had ever seen him touch any other person willingly. "I'll train with you," he said.
You swore to stay with me, he said. When we made our oath, as parabatai. Our souls are knit. We are one person, James. We are two people, said Jem. Two people with a covenant between us. Will knew he sounded like a child, but he could not help it. A covenant that says you must not go where I cannot come with you. Until death, Jem replied gently. Those are the words of the oath. ‘Until aught but death part thee and me.’ Someday, Will, I will go where none can follow me, and I think it will be sooner rather than later.
–Mi consciencia, –susurró Will. –Tú eres mi consciencia. Siempre lo has sido, James Carstairs. Haré esto por ti, pero primero voy a conseguir una promesa. –¿Qué clase de promesa? –Me pediste hace años que cese de buscar una cura para ti, –dijo Will. –Quiero que me liberes de esa promesa. Déjame mirar, al menos. Libérame para buscar. Jem miró con cierto asombro. –Justo cuando creo que te conozco perfectamente, me sorprendes de nuevo.