Best quotes from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Ginny!" said Mr. Weasley, flabbergasted. "Haven't I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain?

Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.

Gotta bone ter pick with yeh. I've heard you've bin givin' out signed photos. How come I haven't got one?

You will find that I will only truly have left this school when none here are loyal to me.

Constitutions become the ultimate tyranny," Paul said. "They’re organized power on such a scale as to be overwhelming. The constitution is social power mobilized and it has no conscience. It can crush the highest and the lowest, removing all dignity and individuality. It has an unstable balance point and no limitations.

Here lies a toppled god.
His fall was not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal,
A narrow and a tall one.

Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.

Well, you're expelling us aren't you?" said Ron.
"Not today, Mr. Weasley."
Snape looked as though Christmas had been canceled.

The flesh surrenders itself. Eternity takes back its own. Our bodies stirred these waters briefly, danced with a certain intoxication before the love of life and self, dealt with a few strange ideas, then submitted to the instruments of Time. What can we say of this? I occurred. I am not...yet, I occurred.

I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I'm not there.

Hearing voices no one else can hear isn't a good sign, even in the wizarding world.

Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back.

Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron as they crossed the lawn.
"Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron, bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little Santa Clauses with fishing rods...

The poor things keep calling in those – those pumbles, I think they're called – you know, the ones who mend pipes and things – "
"Plumbers?"
" – exactly, yes, but of course they're flummoxed.

Lockhart'll sign anything if it stands still long enough.

Do I look stupid?" snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache.

I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!

Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they?" said Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging toward the enchanted barrier. "When they hear what you did this year?"
"Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious...

Azkaban -
the wizard prison
, Goyle." said Malfoy, looking at him in disbelief. "Honestly, if you were any slower, you'd be going backward.

Jealous?...Of what? I don't want a foul scar right across my head, thanks. I don't think getting your head cut open makes you that special, myself.

The three of them fell silent. After a long pause, Hermione voiced the knottiest question of all in a hesitant voice.
Do you think we should go and
ask
Hagrid about it all?
That’d be a cheerful visit, said Ron, ‘Hello, Hagrid. Tell us, have you been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle lately?

Celebrity is as celebrity does.

Fred and George, however, found all this very funny. They went out of
their way to march ahead of Harry down the corridors, shouting, "Make way for
the Heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through ......
Percy was deeply disapproving of this behavior.
"It is not a laughing matter," he said coldly.
"Oh, get out of the way, Percy," said Fred. "Harry's in a hurry."
"Yeah, he's off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged
servant," said George, chortling.
Ginny didn't find it amusing either.
"Oh, don't," she wailed every time Fred asked Harry loudly who he was
planning to attack next, or when George pretended to ward Harry off with a large
clove of garlic when they met.

Harry — I think I've just understood something! I've got to go to the library!
And she sprinted away, up the stairs.

What
does she understand? said Harry distractedly, still looking around, trying to tell where the voice had come from.
Loads more than I do, said Ron, shaking his head.
But why’s she got to go to the library?
Because that’s what Hermione does, said Ron, shrugging. When in doubt, go to the library.

And I must draft an advertisement for the Daily Prophet, too,' he added thoughtfully. 'We'll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.... Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don't we?

His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad,
His hair is as dark as a blackboard.
I wish he was mine, he's really divine,
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord.

When in doubt, go to the library.

However,' said Dumbledore, speaking very slowly and clearly so that none of them could miss a word, 'you will find that I will only truly have left this school when none here are loyal to me. You will also find that help will be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.

However, you will find that I will only
truly
have left this school when none here are loyal to me. You will also find that help will be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.

Everyone queue up!' Malfoy roared to the crowd. 'Harry Potter's giving out signed photos!

It was as though they had been plunged into a fabulous dream.
This, thought Harry, was surely the only way to travel — past swirls and turrets of snowy cloud, in a car full of hot, bright sunlight, with a fat pack of toffees in the glove compartment...

If he doesn't stop trying to save your life he's going to kill you.

They had reached Lockhart's classroom...'You could've fried an egg on your face" said Ron. 'You'd better hope Creevey doesn't meet Ginny, or they'll be starting a Harry Potter fan club.'
'Shut up,' snapped Harry. The last thing he needed was for Lockhart to hear the phrase 'Harry Potter fan club.

Training for the ballet, Potter?" yelled Malfoy.

Offend Dobby! choked the elf. Dobby has
never
been asked to sit down by a wizard — like an
equal
—

Voldemort, said Riddle softly, is my past, present, and future, Harry Potter. . . .
He pulled Harry’s wand from his pocket and began to trace it through the air, writing three shimmering words:
TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE
Then he waved the wand once, and the letters of his name rearranged themselves:
I AM LORD VOLDEMORT

Fame is a fickle friend, Harry. Celebrity is as celebrity does. Remember that.

Urgh — essence of Millicent Bulstrode.

Oh, Potter, you rotter, oh, what have you done,
You’re killing off students, you think it’s good fun —

Raindrops the size of bullets thundered on the castle windows for days on end; the lake rose, the flower beds turned into muddy streams, and Hagrid’s pumpkins swelled to the size of garden sheds.

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?

Beds empty! No note! Car gone — could have crashed — out of my mind with worry — did you care? — never, as long as I’ve lived — you wait until your father gets home, we never had trouble like this from Bill or Charlie or Percy —"
"Perfect Percy, muttered Fred.
YOU COULD DO WITH TAKING A LEAF OUT OF PERCY’S BOOK! yelled Mrs. Weasley, prodding a finger in Fred’s chest. You could have
died
, you could have been
seen
, you could have lost your father his
job
—
It seemed to go on for hours. Mrs. Weasley had shouted herself hoarse before she turned on Harry, who backed away.
I’m very pleased to see you, Harry, dear, she said.

Hang on . . . Harry muttered to Ron. There’s an empty chair at the staff table. . . . Where’s Snape?
"Maybe he's ill!" said Ron hopefully.
Maybe he’s
left
, said Harry, because he missed out on the Defense Against the Dark Arts job
again
!
Or he might have been
sacked
! said Ron enthusiastically. I mean, everyone hates him —
Or maybe, said a very cold voice right behind them, he’s waiting to hear why you two didn’t arrive on the school train.
Harry spun around. There, his black robes rippling in a cold breeze, stood Severus Snape.

Deliberately causing mayhem in Snape's Potions class was about as safe as poking a sleeping dragon in the eye.

Warlock D. J. Prod of Didsbury says:
My wife used to sneer at my feeble charms, but one month into your fabulous Kwikspell course and I succeeded in turning her into a yak!
Thank you, Kwikspell!

When Filch wasn't guarding the scene of the crime, he was skulking red-eyed through the corridors, lunging out at unsuspecting students and trying to put them in detention for things like "breathing loudly" and "looking happy.

I wasn't paying attention," said Myrtle dramatically. "Peeves upset me so much I came in here and tried to kill myself. Then, of course, I remembered that I'm -- that I'm --" "Already dead," said Ron hopefully. Myrtle gave a tragic sob, rose up in the air, turned over, and dived headfirst into the toilet, splashing water all over them and vanishing from sight, although from the direction of her muffled sobs, she had come to rest somewhere in the U-bend.

Ginny Weasley, who sat next to Colin Creevey in Charms, was distraught, but Harry felt that Fred and George were going the wrong way about cheering her up. They were taking turns covering themselves with fur or boils and jumping out at her from behind statues.

Harry was just thinking that all he needed was for Dumbledore's pet bird to die while he was all alone in the office with it, when the bird burst into flames.

Mr. Weasley was unavailable for comment, although his wife told reporters to clear off or she'd set the family ghoul on them.