Jarod Kintz

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Jarod Kintz

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Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries.

What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two.

I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it.

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him.

I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job.

I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100.

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